Msgr. William Smith once said, the fact that you're born guarantees you're going to die (talking about the so-called "right to die" - you don't need a RIGHT to do it)...and my husband likes to say, "none of us gets out of here alive." Really, we shouldn't fear thinking about death; it's something we will all face someday...for those we love and for ourselves. These are thoughts that give me comfort and courage....
How to begin...I suppose in the chronological order of how these thoughts have developed over the years. It started when I was in the convent of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy (in Dorchester, MA). It is the same order which St. Faustina Kowalska belonged to - and her Diary is the source of inspiration for much of my love of Christ. As Catholics, we tend to find saints that we can mentally connect with and who we feel give an example of loving Christ that we might imitate. Some love St. Therese, the Little Flower, for her childlike love of God - always seeing herself in relationship with Him as a child. St. Faustina had a more of a spousal love of Him - not physically, of COURSE, but if you recognize that He is the bridegroom of our souls...well, then it will make sense to you (that's a side-issue I'm not trying to write about in this article).
Okay, so I've always connected with St. Faustina in that way; I get where she's coming from...and I'm such a romantic at heart that I love the title of Jesus as a lover of souls. The idea of being a damsel in distress and being rescued from danger by a Prince - or in this case, rescued from my sins and evil by the King of Kings. Well, I just love that... The sisters mirror the spousal relationship of Christ and His Church - so awesome, and that's where I learned about marriage, really...was from my time in the convent and contemplating how Jesus takes care of the sisters and they trust and obey Him - meditating on Scripture, and giving Him their all. So, my relationship with my husband also mirrors the relationship of Christ and His Church - I never really realized it fully until I was in the convent. And now, I'm off topic again. Well, you can see a little of how I think and how I'm a romantic...and so enters contemplation of death.
Death is something our culture tries so hard to run from, and yet, it is part of life - like it or not. It's also no big deal to God. "Pride and Prejudice" (the A&E version ONLY) is my favorite movie. In the first minute of the clip here, you'll see Mr. Darcy walking down a dark hallway acting somewhat distraught...and reminiscing of Miss Elizabeth Bennett being in his house! When you watch the whole movie, you get a sense of the romance involved - the passionate longing (and NO SMUT mind you). He longs to have her in his house. When I was in the convent, peeling potatoes, I remember pondering this scene and thinking of how Jesus must long for us to be fully with Him in Heaven. The looks of love on Darcy's face must reflect in some small way, the love Christ has for us - and isn't that just awesome to think of? Jesus LONGING for us to be with Him...sigh. It makes me fear death a little less...and grieve a little less.
A few years later, after leaving the convent, I was watching a movie with Tracy (we were dating) and the phone rang. It was my brother - our mom had a heart attack and was in the hospital. Things went downhill from there - varying diagnoses, all ending in cancer in different parts of her body...one after another they found cancer, removed it, found more, chemo, radiation...it was awful and you know, I don't think I ever thought she'd actually die! That Christmas before she died (when Tracy proposed to me on Christmas Eve), Tracy bought me a new cd and introduced me to Bluegrass Gospel "The Angels are Singing" . That cd helped me to prepare for her death - those old-timey songs of how we SHOULD look at death. In the "old days" when people lived a more agrarian life, they saw things die all the time (including killing supper), and so I don't think they looked at it with such fear and dread. Of COURSE we miss someone when they die, but they're not really gone and that music really helped me to internalize the reality of Heaven and this NOT being our home. I knew it intellectually, but I needed it solidified in my heart - the music helped brace me for it all... "I was standin' by the bedside of a neighbor, who was just about to cross the swellin' tide...and I asked him if he would do me a favor, kindly take this message to the other side" all sung to happy music! Ponder that for a while...
Lastly - and I'm not sure if this is all making sense to anyone but me - I've read Scripture and been kinda blown away by what seems to be God being heartless. Case in Point, all of Pharoh's men being wiped out when the sea crashed in on them. Uh...yeah, they were stupid to follow those orders, but they were trained to follow orders - so they get crushed by all that water in a horrible death?...kinda harsh, right? Oh, and there are LOTS more (like Aaron being told not to even cry when his sons get whacked). Is God really heartless? NO!!!!! He just knows what happens after we die. He created it all! He made the system!!! He's not afraid of it - WE are. If He's longing for us to be with Him for all eternity, then it really shouldn't be all that scary. Just something to think about before that day happens... I mean, can you imagine a couple getting married (not one that's been shackin' up for years beforehand, but in the more sweet and exciting way of waiting for marriage) and then not being allowed to consummate the marriage and live together - and truly be happy ever after?!? Our heavenly Bridegroom longs for us to share His home for all eternity.
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