While breading chicken for dinner, it came to me...

...that I'm tired of making decisions all the time.  I definetely am one of those people who suffers from "decision fatigue."  I mean, I've bought the toothpaste I actually intended to buy maybe twice in the last year...and the rest of the year we've suffered with some nasty toothpaste that I picked on accident because the stupid company changed the packaging on me and I had to try to figure out which one it was that we liked.  Isn't that ridiculous?!?  ...and it's not JUST toothpaste, it's everything.  How to prioritize my day, what to do for "fun" with the kids, is something a want or a need, which one is a better value, etc, etc...really, it's exhausting. 

In many ways I'm jealous of the Amish and a big part of me wants to just run back to the convent (yes, I spent about 9 months in a wonderful convent in Boston - St. Faustina Kowalska's order - awesome sisters).  I remember hanging up my black postulant dress for the last time and knowing that I would really miss NOT having to decide what to wear in the morning (I hate that decision).  In the convent, it was simple - hair up in a bun, black dress, black shoes and off to morning prayer.  No major decisions - just automatic and go focus on the Lord first thing in the morning.  Pray first before anything else.  Isn't that awesome? 

Okay, so I'm getting off topic (grossly off topic).  Well, I realized while cooking dinner that another good reason - probably the best one for me - to start making everything myself and be more "organic" - or is that "crunchy"?  (I'm lost on the terminology, but I think you'll know what I mean) is so that I could be FREE FROM MAKING MORE DECISIONS!  If I'm cooking something from scratch, I don't HAVE to spend ridiculous amounts of time standing in the grocery aisle examining every purchase for ingredients and cost.  For bread, I can buy flour, yeast, salt, oil and just pick a recipe or get one from a good friend.  I realized that if you stop doing the "main stream" thing and follow in the footsteps of other ladies doing this sort of thing, you could potentially save yourself a lot of trouble...  I don't mind doing the work for it if I can have part of my BRAIN back from all these decisions!  Convent words of wisdom from Sr. Veronica...technology enslaves you.  All these things that are supposed to make life easier just backfire and make it all harder; aren't we all becoming slaves to it?  Think of all the bills you wouldn't have if you were - Amish, for instance?  Really...  I'm still working up the guts to cut out the Dish Network; more and more I'm convinced that it would benefit our family more than just the $65/month. 

Now...can I develop the self-control to walk AWAY from the computer and only check it at certain times?  That may require moving the computer out of my line of constant sight...something to pray about.  The best use of my time would probably be on finishing and implementing "A Mother's Rule of Life" by Holly Pierlot...keep telling myself I should do that.  Everything good starts with prayer - and I need to do more of THAT.  Okay, now that I acknowledged breaking the first commandment yet again....tomorrow is a new day.  Lord, help me to begin it with You first in my mind and heart and protect me from all other temptations until I can get a good handle on the habit of conversing with You first.  Amen.  :)